Thinking Of You
by Sofipitch
Summary: Her marriage is slipping and she's infatuated with Edward. AU
1. Thinking Of You

**1/Comparisons are easily done,**

**Once you've had a taste of perfection.**

**Like an apple hanging from a tree,**

**I picked the ripest one,**

**I still got the seed./**

Winry Kirsch. A week from now Kirsch would be replacing Rockbell on all legal documents. She was no longer a Rockbell; she was giving that name up, in marriage to Robert.

Back when she was younger, she hadn't ever imagined marrying a lawyer. She always imagined the man she would marry to be from her home town, Risenbool. Not from Central.

Then again, when she was little she always imagined marrying an alchemist.

But as it turns out, that alchemist didn't imagine marrying an automail mechanic. That alchemist lived in a world of suffering and fighting. That alchemist was only planning on one thing for his future, to get his and his brother's bodies back. He never once thought of marrying someone, especially not his childhood friend.

So it came as a shock to everyone, even the automail mechanic, when he proposed to a woman from Creta.

Not shortly after Edward's marriage, Winry met Robert Kirsch; the man she hoped and had thought could put all memories of Edward Elric out of her mind.

**2/You said move on,**

**Where do I go?**

**I guess second best,**

**Is all I will know./**

When Edward and Alphonse finally returned home from the other side of the gate, Winry had confessed her love to Edward.

She had even mustered up the courage to kiss him.

But he didn't return the kiss.

And he didn't return her feelings.

The warmth in his eyes left her and he shook his head. He shook his head and told her he didn't love her back.

Two months past and Winry caught wind that Edward was marrying an alchemist from Creta.

She had been invited to the wedding ceremony. She didn't go.

Six months later she met Robert. And four months after her and Robert's first encounter, he asked her to marry him.

And she said yes.

But earlier, one month before she met Robert, Edward came to her door. He and his wife had had an argument and he needed someone to talk to. And since they could still be considered friends, he came to her.

But after talking out his problems from a while, Edward got fed up. He and his wife hadn't slept together in a long time, and he was sexually aggravated. And he ended up kissing Winry.

And she kissed him back.

And they spent the rest of the night _together_.

The next morning he told her he was sorry and used his lack of being fucked in a long time as an excuse. He told her it hadn't meant anything.

In her mind, she liked to pretend it had.

**3/'Cause when I'm with him,**

**I'm thinking of you.**

**Thinking of you.**

**What you would do if,**

**You were the one,**

**Who was spending the night?**

**Oh I wish that I,**

**Was looking into your eyes./**

Winry and Robert had premarital sex.

It wasn't her first time, it had been with Edward, and she doubted it was his.

But Winry found herself comparing everything Robert did with how Edward had done it. And that made everything harder on herself. Robert was a good lover, but in her eyes Edward was the best.

And every little quirk Robert had was them compared with Edward. Which made their relationship harder.

Robert wasn't always able to make very good conversation with her. He was slightly nervous and if he ever brought up his job or hers, they never completely understood each other, for they never understood one another's job.

Robert barely ever touched her, he was nervous about invading her personal space. This caused some of the "hot romance" in their relationship to fade. It was quite the surprise to Winry when they finally didn't start sleeping together.

Robert worked odd hours so sometimes he could be with her very long. And sometimes plans had to be canceled due to his work hours.

Robert knew his wife had raised the stakes. But she never voiced out loud if something was bothering her, she was afraid her love for Edward would slip out and Robert would be mad at her. She cared for Robert, she really did, but she loved Edward. And she knew this was a problem in their marriage, but she didn't do anything about it.

In her mind Edward was perfect. And the only thing she let herself ponder on was what about her wasn't good enough for him.

**4/You're like an Indian summer,**

**In the middle of winter.**

**Like a hard candy,**

**With a surprise center.**

**How do I get better,**

**Once I've had the best?**

**You said there's**

**Tons of fish in the water,**

**So the waters I will test./**

Very early on in their marriage, Winry and Robert welcomed a third member to the family, Winry's son.

When Winry had gotten pregnant Robert had been sure it was his son, even though the time of pregnancy and Winry and Robert's first encounter weren't exactly accurate. But when little Victor's eyes shown with the same bright light as the sun and his hair pooled around his head the color of woven gold, Robert had known. But he never said anything to Winry. He just went on pretending Victor was his son. Winry, in return, also never said anything, but she could tell she had hurt him.

Winry also never said anything to Edward. But when Alphonse called for a get-together, chance made Edward meet Victor.

Edward's eyes widened in realization when he first laid eyes on the boy. But just as Winry and Robert had done, they never spoke about how Victor had gotten his bright golden eyes.

Edward and Winry didn't speak to each other the entire night, which made things very awkward, even with Alphonse's attempts to smooth over the tension. Winry was just glad Edward's wife hadn't been there.

**5/He kissed my lips,**

**I taste your mouth,**

**He pulled me in,**

**I was disgusted with myself./**

Winry didn't know what caused it, and she never asked, for it was none of her business. She was surprised when Alphonse told her, and a bit sad.

When Robert was told, he made love to her that night, even though he did have to wake up early the next morning for a very important trial. Winry knew Robert was afraid. He was afraid that because Edward was single again she might go with him. And that night Winry realized all the things Robert had done for her, all the effort he had put into keeping their family together.

And she realized that she hadn't thanked Robert for everything he had done for her.

So that night she truthfully told Robert she loved him. And as she did she felt herself slipping away from Edward, but she didn't feel resentment towards that, because he was the thing that kept her from realizing the happiness she had here with Robert and Victor.

Robert had been the one to tell her he loved her, not Edward.

And Winry loved him for that.

**6/You're the best,**

**And yes I do regret,**

**How I could let myself,**

**Let you go.**

**Now the lesson's learned;**

**I touched it, I was burned.**

**Oh I think you should know./**

After his divorce was finalized Edward returned to doing the only thing her knew how to do, travel, leave people behind.

Edward showed up at Winry's door asking her if he could take Victor with him on his travels. Winry's immediate answer was no. When he asked her why, a million reasonable replies came to mind. "Because I don't know if you know how to keep up with and take care of a child." "I don't know when you will be back and I know you won't write. How in the world will I know how my son is?"

But instead Winry looked Edward straight in the eye and told him, "It's because you said it didn't mean anything."

Winry summoned up all her courage to finish with, "Don't come in here acting like you have rights to him. He's not your son.", before slamming the door on Edward.

_**7/Your eyes,**_

_**Looking into your eyes,**_

_**Looking into your eyes,**_

_**Oh won't you walk through,**_

_**And burst in the door and,**_

_**Take me away.**_

_**Oh no more mistakes,**_

'_**Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay./ **_

_Winry's words stung. And as a scientist Edward wanted to argue what Winry had said. That according to the laws of nature, Victor was his son._

_But he saw the point Winry was making. He didn't raise the boy. He didn't take responsibility for him. He didn't go out to the backyard and play catch with him. Robert did._

_ The night he and Winry had slept together__,__ a little voice in the back of his mind told him that he may actually have feelings for Winry. And when his marriage failed he thought maybe, just maybe, he could win Winry back. Because he thought Winry's marriage was also slipping. He thought he could make up for the mistake he made in his youth._

_But when he saw them together he saw that Robert was still working hard to make the marriage work, juggling his job, the child, and Winry's past. And although he did have faults, like every human being did, Robert was a good man and he loved Winry very much. He put Victor and Winry first in his life, and he knew that he would have to deal with Winry's past but loved her anyways._

_And in return Winry was also working to make things work out. And she seemed so much happier doing so._

_Edward had pushed Winry away and Robert had come to her and built her a new life._

_ And Edward couldn't hate him for that._

-Owai-

A/N: I know this was a brave thing to write, and let me assure you that I am indeed very much an EdWin fan. My original idea had been that it would be a sad EdWin story and Robert and the other unnamed woman would be like the villains in the plot. But then as the story progressed I no longer saw Robert as the villain. And thus the result changed. I do not dislike Edward and please do not get the assumption that I hate him and he is the villain in this piece. I think the villain is the Truth, because shit like this in life happens.

Please if you hated this, you have a right to say so, but PLEASE do not flame or troll. Flames will be used to cook my dinner. If I will be having any dinner, the fridge is completely empty.

Lyrics from Katy Perry's song "Thinking Of You". The chorus was only shown once, so not all lyrics were used.


	2. Everybody Hurts

_/Don't know, _

_Don't know if I can do this on my own._

_Why do you have to leave me?_

_I seems I'm losing something deep inside of me._

_Hold on, on to me…_

_Now I see, now I see…/_

_ -_Everybody Hurts, Avril Lavigne

Elrics liked to travel. She knew that. She herself also enjoyed traveling, but there was something peculiar with the way her brother in law traveled. She didn't say anything at first, but as time progressed and months turned into years she had to ask, because she knew there was something wrong with him. Normally people don't travel the way he did. They don't leave for months, getting drunk out of your mind and into bar fights in more different countries than Mei knew or could count.

She asked her husband one day about it once she was sure she had a plausible idea for the reason why. "Why does your brother travel?"

Al looked up at his wife. His eye clouded with sadness. "He likes to explore other places. He's loved it since he was really young." He gave a weak smile and shrugged as if there were nothing wrong. "We used to do it together."

Mei knew affinity for traveling wasn't the only thing that fueled his need to constantly be boarding trains and boats headed to foreign lands. "What is he running from?"

Al froze. He stared at his wife, urging her to somehow take her question back, for such thing not to have been asked or noticed. In return Mei stared back, challenging him to lie to her. Alphonse took a deep breath before answering her. "The decisions he made in his past."

"Does it have to do with your friend Winry Kirsch?" Mei had watched the glances he would sneak of the married woman. The regretful looks that had been directed towards her and her son.

Al got a pained look. "Yes. Half of it." Mei opened her mouth, but Al overlapped her before she could even get anything out. "There's nothing we can do." She gave her husband a bewildered look. "He needs to fix this himself. Our intervention will only make it worse on him."

Al hugged his wife, squeezing her tight in the pain he felt at watching his brother crumple. "We just have to be here for when he might need us. He'd hate to know anyone worries about him."

Mei nodded into the crook of Al's shoulder. She hugged him back in calm reassurance. She understood her husband's worry for his older sibling. He had always been close with him and she knew the distance was now tearing him apart. "He'll get better. He has to." Al sound like a child, whispering false promises of a better future to himself.

She didn't know Edward too much personally. But she had heard stories of brave acts of justice and kindness. Stories of a valiant hero who never gave up. She broke away from the hug and took his hand in hers. "It wouldn't he him if he didn't." He nodded yes and she kissed him, giving the only reassurance she knew of.

She hoped Edward would be getting better soon. Not only for himself, but for everyone around him, who also have to suffer in watching him fall apart.


	3. As Years Go By

Title: As Years Go By

Author: Sofipitch

Word Count: 315

Rating: G

Summary: It felt as if everyone had grown up without him.

Warnings: none

It had taken years of traveling for him to learn how to sleep on trains. When he had first started traveling with Alphonse, he had walked around tousled and groggy with blood shot eyes and a crackling voice. Eventually he got used to the hard wooden benches and the bumpiness of the ride. He tired himself out from not sleeping so much that he was eventually coaxed into sleeping.

Now after years of having slept on them, riding them was calming to him, save for the lurching of the train departing and stopping. The ride would've been peaceful, but his stomach was twisting itself into knots. It was the first time in a long time that he was returning to Risenbool. Winry no longer lived in Risenbool, she and her family had moved to Central due to her _husband_'s job. But the memories that radiated off of the place reminded him of her, since long ago she had been the only reason for him and his brother to return there. Now he was coming to visit his brother and his wife who were living on the reconstructed remains of their mother's house.

As he passed the vacant Rockbell house, still present despite having been empty for many years now, he noticed that the Rockbell Automail sign still stood proudly out front. It felt odd coming back, as if everyone had grown up, gotten married, and moved on with their lives, while he was still doing the same and only thing he knew how to do: wander and run when real family problems arise. And then try to pretend it never happened.

From the outside of the house, he could hear his nephew crying and he felt his heart go heavy. He had his own kid, just like the others, but he couldn't raise him. And he couldn't help thinking that it was all his fault.


End file.
